While I am very happy with what I am achieving with 12wbt, there is one area that I am just not sure about.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s not that it hasn’t been explained, or that I don’t understand, it’s just that I am not quite sure where I fit in and how I go about doing it. Let me explain ….

Michelle always says that 80% is good eating and 20% is exercise. The food I have reasonably well covered, as long as I am organised and stick to it. I don’t feel hungry or deprived and love the food, so generally that is pretty easy. It’s the other 20% that I get hung up on.

Sometimes I feel like I am just not doing enough. I usually walk 6 days most weeks and have gone from struggling to doing 1km to walking an average of 5km a day, sometimes 7 and a couple of times 10. I go to aquarobics three times a week when I am not working and at least once the other week and to Aqua Zumba every week.

I am part of an amazing group of people on Facebook – the 30+ crew. We all have at least 30 kilos to lose and the thing I love about this group is how supportive they are. There is never any negativity if someone has had a bad day or week, just lots of encouragement and support. I love reading what everyone is doing but it makes me realise just how little I am.

I can’t walk any faster (believe me I try), I don’t always have time to walk longer, especially when I am on nights. I can’t afford to go to a gym or have a personal trainer and honestly I don’t think I could do what I hear everyone else is doing anyway. Yes I have DVD’s but I struggle to keep up with them and no co-ordination just makes it worse.

I feel like I am just making excuses but as my son keeps reminding me, I am 55 with crap knees and I can’t expect to do what everyone else is doing. Why then do I feel like such a failure? I admit I am scared to do more because ‘I can’t’  … ‘I will fail’ …. ‘I will look stupid’ etc. Yes I know – all excuses and I try not to use them but somewhere there must be a middle ground. I just need to find it I guess.

I know I should be satisfied with losing 16.4kgs and I am but … there is still that but! I guess it all boils down to I don’t like being this age. I am kicking myself that I waited this long to become the person I want to be. In my head I am 30 – its just that my body hasn’t got the memo yet!!

Add to that I currently have a sprained ankle, which is okay if bandaged, but with City to Surf coming up in 4 weeks, I am worried if I push too son I will injure it more and then I won’t be able to get in enough walking time. I am already worried that I will be so slow everyone else will have packed up and gone home by the time I finish. I know I can walk the distance; I just worry about the time. I need to finish it, for me mostly, but also to wipe those looks off people’s faces when I say I am doing it – you know the ones, the ‘is she kidding or not’ looks, or the ‘sympathetic-in-advance’ looks for when I don’t do the full 14kms.

Anyway, enough whinging – tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I can get out there and walk again and I will feel a whole lot better.

Meanwhile I need to keep reminding myself of this!

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