The mind is an amazing thing. Unfortunately, sometimes it just doesn’t know when to be quiet!

The last few weeks, and even months, I have had so much going through my mind. I have grown and changed so much over the last couple of years, but I had come to a standstill. The problem was/is, I know I am not satisfied with the me I am right now, I know what I want and need to do, but I am fighting that inner (blue) me that says ‘it’s all okay and look how much fitter/healthier/happier than you were a year ago – so let’s just stop here and see how we go.’

If only it was that easy but the other (red) part of me is saying ‘No!!’ Sadly, that seemed to be her entire conversation šŸ™‚ She has no wise words of wisdom about how and when and why; she just knows that I am not satisfied with who I am yet.

I went backwards and forwards about re-joining 12wbt, but that inner rebel in me knew that I was not going to stick with it, that I had learned a lot but I wanted to take over more control, that I wanted to look at other options, so in the end I decided to skip this round and re-evaluate and see where I was in 3 months. And then that same little negative blue voice slyly started telling me how hard it was without the meal plans and the exercise plans, how I had tried it alone and failed miserably, that maybe I should do just one more round.

And that was her big mistake! The stubborn and rebellious me took over and decided I could do this. It might not be perfect and it might not be fast but I will do it and I will do it in a way that both my body and my mind can cope with.

My first step was to decide exactly what I was doing. There are so many ‘diet’ options out there but I knew I wanted to be healthy rather than be ‘on a diet’, I wanted to eat good food and enjoy it without stressing too much if I had a meal out, or even a day where I just felt like eating. So in the end, I have decided that the main focus for me is clean eating. I can, and will, still use many of the 12wbt recipes, but basically I plan to shop the outside of the supermarket and if I can’t read the names of what I am buying – I won’t be eating it!

I started off by doing a 5 day juice detox. I had been eating so much rubbish, I wanted my body to feel good again. I decided 5 days might be a bit long, so started with 3 and then thought I would see how I felt. The answer was – I felt fabulous! I will certainly be doing it again occasionally – and as a bonus I lost 3.6 kilos :). I used the detox from here – http://makingmydreamreality.wordpress.com/the-detox/ – and loved it. The juices were all delicious and I was never hungry.

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(the strawberries were from a planned morning tea on day 3)

I also knew I needed to be more organised, so the end result was a day of menu planning (note to self – do NOT pick the last day of a juice diet to plan 8 weeks of menus!). I had seen a menu board I loved on another blog and found it on etsy (https://www.etsy.com/shop/mpduesterhaus?ref=pr_shop_more) and am now the proud owner of a fabulous (a little self-praise never hurts lol) new menu board.
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I finally have my cross trainer up and working – thank you Brendan – and sometimes I even use it – I will get better I promise šŸ™‚
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Brendan and I are walking most mornings and I have to say I am very impressed he is getting up at 6:30 each morning to do so – he is NOT a morning person – but it’s great we can encourage each other and we get to spend some time talking that we normally wouldn’t have.

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(not one of my favourite photos of me I have to say lol)

I also know me well enough to know that usually, given a few weeks, my enthusiasm will wane, so I have set up a page on Facebook to make myself accountable. It’s kind of like a diary of my ups and downs and it helps to keep me (mostly) honest šŸ™‚ Please check it out and don’t forget to like the page šŸ™‚ http://www.facebook.com/FromAverageToFabulous

As always, life is still pretty hectic. I am doing an online course through the University of Tasmania on Dementia, another online course about eBooks, still writing for Bellaonline (http://bereavement.bellaonline.com/Site.asp) as Bereavement Editor although I am a little behind in my articles, not to mention trying to get back to my book. And just in case I thought I had some spare time I have just started a new scrapbook project – ’30 Days of Lists’ where I scrap 30 lists in 30 days(I know – kind of a surprise that šŸ˜‰ ) with prompts being sent out each day. This is from the last one I did – http://www.flickr.com/photos/kiwimum/ – I am looking forward to doing it once more.

I know that everything is not going to be perfect – this week is a good example with a sick child, a sick me and unexpected plans, but that’s life and we all have to work around that. I know that the week I work nights is always going to be harder than the week I don’t, although with some organisation and planning it is not too bad – as long as I can sleep. I also know that that week it is harder not to listen to that inner negative voice and that sometimes it’s okay to be just a little kinder to myself.

But most of all I know I can do this. I have already proved it and so now I just have to do it again – easy! right?

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