I know that sounds a bit ‘airy fairy’ for want of a better word but I am not saying my world is perfect. What I am saying, I guess, is that I am content. I am where I am supposed to be in my world and I am enjoying being me.
Of course there are things I would change and of course there are things I want, but for right now – this is where I am supposed to be and everything will happen in its own time – my own time.
So, what bought about this momentous thought I hear you ask. Nothing special, I was curled up in my comfy chair reading a book and enjoying the silence and without thinking I said out loud ‘I am happy’ and I knew immediately I was right.
It has been happening slowly and I have been aware of a change in my mindset for a while now. Yes, I still have masses of weight to lose, but it will happen. I still miss the companionship of someone special, but that too will come – when I am ready. I will still have days where I am sad, upset or feeling out of control, but these are becoming less and less frequent and I love that 🙂
I was talking to a friend last night. It’s been a while since we have talked more than a few messages in passing and I have missed it, but while we were talking it occurred to me just how much I have changed. I used to be so negative, about myself mostly, but also about life in general, and I know it used to irritate him. He comes across as one of those totally self-confident people who believes totally in himself. Notice I said ‘comes across’ – because no one really knows what the other person is thinking or believing deep down. It used to really irritate me but I love him anyway 😉
That’s a big lesson I have learnt recently –‘fake it ‘til you make it’. I used to believe I was the only person with self-doubts and negative feelings (well not really, but sometimes that’s how it feels), but I I have begun to realise that pretty much everyone goes through these same issues – It’s just that some people cover it up so much better and not everyone feels the need to pour out what they are feeling like me 🙂
So, having discovered this amazing thing, where now?
I keep on doing what I am doing. Obviously I am heading in the right direction – for me. I am following my passion with my writing and there are more ideas floating around in my head that will come to fruition when the time is right.
I need to remember this feeling and when things are not so wonderful and remember that I am just who I am meant to be – right now – and that I just have to get out of the way and let it happen 🙂