I have had this title going round in my head for a couple of days and I had planned on reviewing my goals and seeing how I was going – even though it’s only a couple of weeks into the year. But when I sat down to write, my brain took over and … here we go again. 😉

I had such great plans for this time off – in my head I could see me going back to work at least 10 kilos lighter, instead I have put on 5 and am having serious problems getting myself back to where I want to be both physically and mentally.

It’s actually really been annoying me, and if I am honest worrying me a little as well. What if I can’t get this under control again? I don’t want to go back to where I was! I am afraid of becoming that person again. I didn’t like the unhappy, over-weight, introverted person I was  – besides, I have all those ‘new’ clothes to fit into 🙂

My problem was, I think, that I expected to just click back into the mind set and feelings I had before, but over the last couple of days I have come to realise that there is no reason why I should go back to ‘before’. I read somewhere today that change is good and over the last 6 months I have been changing more than almost any period in my life so why would I expect that not to continue?

With that in mind, I have been making small changes – drinking more water, no snacking at night (or at the very least making it a ‘good’ snack and counting the calories, writing up my food (honestly) in My Fitness Pal, and taking photos (when I remember) and posting them on FB (sorry FB friends 😉 )

I have made a point of not actually saying what I was doing for a few days because I know me – as soon as I say it out loud everything immediately all falls to pieces. I have learnt for me it is better to get something set in place and working before I tell anyone.

Monday was my PT day at the gym and I weighed in and have lost another kilo. I know I need to drink more water and I am working on that, but over all I am pretty happy. I also took Lachlan for his first ever session with a PT – more because he is 14 (15 tomorrow) and I don’t want him lifting too much or doing things that are not good for his age and growth. As well as that though, I want him to be told by someone who knows what they are doing who he might actually listen to. 🙂 I think he was a bit shocked at how hard she made him work lol – and hopefully the fact that I can lift more and do more than him will be a good incentive to push himself harder.

Talking about the gym – I had the nicest compliment this morning 🙂 I had just finished stretching and was about to leave when a lovely thin, fit looking person said she had been watching me do planks and she was impressed by my stomach strength as she couldn’t do half that (45 seconds – which is a record for me). I have to say that made my day and I am standing just a little taller and am a little bit more determined because of it.

I have been doing a bit of thinking recently. Over the holiday period I have missed getting together for SSS and coffee. I have seen others in the groups going for runs and doing the bridge to bridge but right now I am not sure I could do the B2B, especially with this heat (and my stupid knee) and I definitely can’t run. I have been feeling a bit down because most of my friends are doing fun runs and run club and I can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that they can and are but I feel a little left behind (and Teresa and Leanne – you are NOT allowed to feel bad!). I know I am a couple of rounds – at least – behind most of them and I know I will get there eventually. Then there is the 5km Colour Run coming up. I am a slow walker even when I am fit and I am certainly not fit now. I know I shouldn’t let it worry me but I don’t want to be at the end, and again, the heat is certainly a factor. I have pretty much decided I am not going to do it. I need to do things in my own time. I am loving going to the gym and walking around the park but any more than that for me becomes just too stressful. I want to enjoy the new me, I don’t want to do things I am not having fun doing. I know on the day I will regret it, but there will be other fun run/walks when I am ready and until then I will concentrate on getting my food and my water right and going to the gym.

Time to CRTL-ALT-DELETE my life and do what is right for me.