You know how sometimes something just resonates with where you are at that particular moment ….. that is what happened this morning.

I have had an okay week – some highlights and some … not exactly lo-lights  but moments where I could have done better, but this reminds me that despite everything – good or bad, I am doing good!

How many times have you thought or heard ‘when I reach  …fill in the blank … weight’ or ‘when I get my dream job’ or ‘when I meet the right guy’ I will be happy. Sometimes we are so busy thinking about ‘one day’ that we forget to live today.

With getting healthy and losing weight, we are often so focused on our goal weight or on the scales that we forget to celebrate all those things that are getting us there. We, and I am just as guilty of this, need to remember that while we may not have great numbers on the scales, we are making healthier food choices, we are getting up off the couch and we are living as opposed to just surviving! We are also showing, rather than telling, our families just how much better it is to be healthy and fit.

I had some blood taken this morning because I am changing my life insurance and when the nurse arrived she struggled to get up our front step (to be fair, it is a fairly high step). Not too many weeks ago I had the same problem but already I am finding it much easier. We talked about health issues, as you do and she was saying she has problem with her knees and I realised that while I used to have the same problem, they are not as bad now. I mentioned that I was doing 12wbt and how good I felt. She explained that her age (she is about my age) and her knees precluded her from doing anything. Just a couple of months ago I would have been using exactly the same words and excuses, and yes, of course I told her she could and how good I felt. I really hope she does go check it out as she said she would.

In the past few days I have realised again that I am scared of success. I know that sounds strange, but I knew who I was when I was 17kgs heavier. Now people are beginning to notice and while I am proud of myself and in my head I want to be this new person, way down deep there is a voice whispering that maybe if I change people won’t like me for who I am. At the moment I am ‘safe’ in my place in the world and while I may not always like it, I know where my perameters are. What if I change and I don’t like the new me, or just as bad, what if the few friends I do have, don’t like the way I am changing. I am becoming more confident, a little more willing to stand up for what I think, but it’s scarey. I mostly like this new person, but that little voice inside my head will not be quiet.

This morning it hit me. No matter what I look like on the outside, I am still me. I may be a little more out-going, I may not accept everything I have because I was afraid to make waves, but deep down inside I still have the same beliefs, the same values and the same feelings. My true friends will be happy to see the physical changes and will support me. Now I just have get to get to believe it!!

ps – I wrote this yesterday but couldn’t think of a title :). Today I lost another kilo bringing me to 18 kilos in total – perhaps there weren’t as many lo-lights as I thought!   :):):)

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